Count down to Race Day!

I can't believe it's almost here - my first 5K. I go between being confident I'll finish - that's the goal - to thinking what the @#$% am I doing?! I am 45, working to get in shape, never run a race...I guess by this time next week we will know. I've been working hard, trying to do the things Carol has asked. I can make the distance by walking, I know. When I run, I am up to run .25 miles, walk .25 miles for the distance. Can't decide if I am better off to run as far as I can, walk to recover, or if it's better to have a steady plan throughout. I'm glad I will be with friends, although they may be halfway home when I cross the finish line. I can tell you this, I will proudly wear my Tshirt to work on Monday (I will probably wear it Saturday and Sunday too!) - thank heavens for jeans passes!

I'm trying to get a bit of knitting in each day. For the first time, I am struggling to be at the top of my game at work - so many things on my plate, so many moving targets. Knitting really helps me to settle and calm the thoughts spinning in my head. Even 15 minutes of mindless stitching while waiting on Katie or Collin, makes a difference. I have a pair of Hedgerow socks in KnitPicks Essential Tweed black on the needles and am planning to cast on my first pair of fingerless mitts today. I have a skein of Noro Kureyon I plan to use. Love the colors - it really doesn't matter which colorway.

Home is, well, home. Challenges at every turn. I just keep plugging away, trying to keep my head above water.

By this time next week, I will either be a 5K-er or in the hospital! Keep your fingers crossed!

A Good Man....

Mr. Jim died on Wednesday. Mr. Jim and Miss Carolyn have lived next door to my parents for 35 years. I grew up with Lynne, Bryan, and Phil. I remember Mr. Jim in his khaki work clothes in the garden at all hours. Workboots, a tool, a tiller, sometimes a hat. A friendly competition over the fence between he and my daddy. The biggest tomatoes, the most plentiful green beans, the most beautiful roses.....always roses. I think the story went that the rose garden was Miss Carolyn's but it was Mr. Jim who tended them. He was a gentle man, a true gentleman in every sense of the word and will be missed by many.

At the visitation, Lynne and I caught up for a few minutes. I remember playing Barbies, pretending we were Southern Belles, making playhouses in the woods. But what I remember most are the Cinderella dreams we shared. I know I always wished for the storybook life with the happily ever afters. The ending with the prince, the white horse, the castle and the sunset. I hope she found hers even if mine has escaped me.

Let's Try This Again....

Ok, I will give this blogging thing one more try. Somehow it feels a bit odd to post the mundane details of one's life to a public forum but at the same time I know it makes connections. My goal is to post once a week . If nothing else, it will mark a record of the year. Once I hit 40, I can't remember yesterday much less what happened a year ago! :)

In July of 08, I joined a gym and committed to take care of myself. For many years, it's been about everything and everybody but me - now it's my turn. I am amazed that I have stuck with it. My work with a trainer has been hard but satisfying - she pushes me to do things I would never attempt. I am still working hard 5-7 days a week with weights, cardio, intervals, yoga/pilates, etc...On January 31, I participate in my first 5K. My goal is simply to finish though I do have a time to beat in mind. I hope to do another race at UGA in mid March. We will see how it goes but who would have ever thought that at 45 I would have started on this path?

The holidays gave me a little time to catch up or at least to sit for a few minutes and knit. I miss it during the busy weeks of the school year. There is something about the rhythm of the needles and the focus it requires that offers some relaxation in a hectic schedule. I do wish I could finish something, though! I am like many others who see a great yarn or pattern and add it to the pile of WIPs. I get bored and move on to something else. This year, I am going to try to finish the WIPS I have, frog the ones that no longer appeal, and start/finish the projects for which I have yarn but haven't gotten around to them - I am sure no one else has this problem! I never thought handling and purchasing yarn would be an addiction but I SO get it now! Maybe I will save a $ or two if I stick to my stash and stay out of my LYS - we'll see how long that lasts.

On another note, I do wish Cary would make a decision or even lean in the direction of a college. He's been accepted to several but just won't commit. I am not sure what is holding him back - I remember being so ready to move on to that stage of my life. I am struggling with how much to push. I guess since my $$$$ are going with him wherever he goes, I have the right to push all I want. But I do want him to go where he feels comfortable - not just where I choose. We've got to get with the scholarship applications, schedule some additional visits, and have some serious conversations in the coming weeks. I am excited for him but at the same time, it is bittersweet. I will miss him come the fall.

I started with mundane and that's how I will end....off to laundry, groceries, housecleaning and oh, yes, the gym! Maybe, I'll have another cup of coffee and knit a row or two instead.....

PLOM no more!

It's amazing what a glass of wine and a good night's sleep will do....I am PLOM (poor lil' ol' me) no more! The sun, the cats and I are up. While it is sticky hot already, we are expecting rain later in the day. My oldest and I are going shopping for summer reading books for Sr. AP lit and outfits for Sr. Portraits. I can't believe I have a senior in high school. I was looking at pictures yesterday in prep for creating a Sr. Scrapbook. Where has the time gone.....Lots of good memories to catalog....on to knitting....

I am a new sock junkie. It took me a while with the first pair, months actually. Dropped stitches, increased stitches, made-up stitches - I did it all. I think I actually have the formula for a basic sock committed to memory and, even, better, understand how it works. I have a pair of Jaywalkers on the needles at the moment in ONline Supersocke Cotton. I love the way the striping develops in a chevron pattern. The pattern is easy to remember and looks so much more complicated than it is. The pattern is easy to pick up and put down - I do a lot of that between the kids' comings and goings. This is my trial before the Ravelympics begin. I am entered in the Sock Put and the Scarf Stroke. I will be knitting for Team GRITS. What a hoot! My teenagers think it's just plain silly but I am planning on having a great time knitting and watching and being a part of something bigger. I have already decided on Boing! in Lanas Puras Yarns Melosa Laceweight in Desert Bloom for my scarf and am still playing with a sock pattern. I have some new yarn in my stash - Imagination, Felici, and Essential Tweed from Knit Picks.

To do for later in the week.....ask the teenager people in my family for help in loading some pictures into my empty Flicker account, onto Ravelry and here....For now, back to knitting, on to the gym and then the mall with Cary. I will keep my fingers crossed for rain.

Let's try again....

I am fascinated by those who blog and their messages. I have read blogs about specific interests of mine. I have read blogs about the day to day happenings in one's life. I have laughed, cried and pondered. Health crises, politics, sports, knitting, trips to the pool - content doesn't appear to matter. I guess I have trouble believing that anyone would find my life and thoughts intriguing - even for a minute. But I guess the truth of the matter is that the blog should really be for me. A place to chronicle the events of my days, a place to reflect on people, decisions, big picture and little picture concerns...

At 44, I have spent much time this year thinking about my future and my past. Am I where I thought I'd be? Professionally, I am content. I love my life's work. I know that I make a difference in the lives of children and families everyday. The people I work with challenge me to grow, to think, to care. I am fulfilled.

Personally, the world looks much different than I ever dreamed. I would never have imagined that I would have had the strength to weather the challenges I have faced - in my marriage, with my children, financially, ... Chuck's diagnosis in 2001 changed the face of our future - my future - in the blink of an eye. I am bitter. I am angry. I grieve for us all. But mostly, I am weary. 7 years is a long time. While I am grateful for every day, I worry that I won't have the stamina and grace to face what will come - the things I know to expect and those that I don't. It is hard for me to find a sense of peace and contentment at home. There is always one more thing. And always, an overwhelming weight of responsibility and reminders that I am alone in many ways.

I'm working on myself - my health, my level of stress, my self-efficacy. A dear friend says that after 40, it is "all about me!" Sounds selfish, I know, but think about it.... For so long, I have taken care of everything and everyone - except me. I can't take care of my family without taking care of myself first. I need to find a sense of control, again. I need to find joy and contentment. I do have choices but the most important choice is ATTITUDE.

The day after...

A gray, cold, rainy morning here on the day after Christmas. Had a nice day with family, good food, well received gifts. I have hit a couple of after Christmas sales this AM but plan to visit my LYS later today. I think some Noro Kureyon, sock yarn and maybe some lace weight yarn will be on the list. I have dabbled in lace before - dish towels for stitch swatches, 1 scarf - but I would really love to knit a beautiful lace.....something. I think I am up for the challenge. My problem (well one of them!) in the past has been that lace is hard for me to pick up and put down. I lose my place, it's still hard for me to count the yarn overs, increases, decreases, etc...and heaven forbid that I should ever drop a stitch! My only solution at that point is rip it out and start over. Maybe I can find a pattern for something manageable that is beautiful and poses a challenge without being too difficult. Off to do a check of my needles and stash so I don't wind up with more than I need....but, isn't that the purpose of a stash after all?! :)

Back to work blues...

I have spent this week soaking up the last few days of my summer. As an administrator, school starts back for me- did it really end this year?-next week. Don't get me wrong - I love, LOVE my job. I can't imagine doing anything else but I certainly have enjoyed the more leisurely pace of the last 10 days. No "June, July, and August" vacation for educators any more!

Mindless reading, time at the pool, a little back to school shopping and knitting. My latest discovery is the beauty of Noro Kureyon yarn - I am working on the Lizard Ridge afghan. The colorways are just yummy - no one but a knitter would understand! I've dabbled with some small lace projects but am about to dive into my first big one. As I looked through my new copy of A Gathering of Lace, I couldn't help but be inspired. I am going to tackle the Beginner's Triangle shawl. I am going to work with Classic Elite "Miracle" in a rich, rust/coppery color. Maybe I can stick with it and have it completed by the time cool weather arrives. Glad I live in Georgia where it's warm 'til Halloween! :)